(This blog entry was started back in December 2010, when I was still in choir, when I was singing the solo as Mary for the song Breath of Heaven. Sadly, we had to cancel the concert, and due to the severity of my cat allergies and how many choir members had cats, I had to make the difficult decision to leave Songs of Sonoro)
Mary really had to trust, a lot. Blindly. Wow. I've written about how Mary's "Yes" led her down her path, and how my "Yes" led me to Norway... hardly the same, but for me, it was still a huge risk.
But I digress....
The lyrics to Breath of Heaven are written in the first person, Mary wondering if what she's done was the right choice, if her "Yes" was the answer she should have given. I don't know, maybe it has something to do with me being raised and most comfortable as a Roman Catholic Woman of Faith, but I really do identify with Mary. Not to say- not at all- that I think I'm like her, but more that she is a role model, a hero-if you will, to look up to. She had to have the ultimate Faith. Does this mean that, in scripture, it shows where Mary doubted God? I can't answer that- sadly, I'm not that well versed. What it does mean to me is that it's okay to have moments of doubt. God still leads you down your path, you can still have Faith that He will do that for you, even as you doubt that you're going the right direction.
It wasn't until I was practicing for the solo, embracing the words, the meaning, becoming the "voice" in the piece, that it really dawned on me... My doubts in Faith, no matter how incredibly trivial they seemed, were okay. I mean- if Mary could doubt God's plan, then surely it was okay that I did, right? As long as I find my voice and say "Yes."