Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Rumi, and Other Ramblings

Being Human is a Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

I really enjoy reading Rumi. There is always so much to be learned, so much that is in the every day life that we really overlook!

I get readings every day, from soul journey, higher awareness, and various other inspirational/motivational email subscriptions. Sometimes they speak volumes and sometimes I archive them for a later date, when I will randomly select exactly applies to that point in time. It's funny how God, the Universe, whatever higher powers that be- they provide for us in our times of need! Mother Teresa said "I know God will not give me anything I cannot handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much." AMEN TO THAT!!! How many times have we been faced with things back to back, to back, over and over again, to the point where we feel like we just can't go on!?! As my grandmother would have said, be grateful that you have a house to maek a payment on, or that you have a car to break down, because some people don't even have that. Take what life gives you, accept it, and change your outcome.

There was a magazine article that had "4 Steps Towards Emotional Discharge" which I thought was an odd title, but I'm rollin' with it. It's actually in the front of my journal, and I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it before. Anyhoo- the first step is 1. Accept whatever happens as the perfect medicine for the situation.

In reality, how hard is that?! Something, or rather someone, helps me to remember this. My very good friend sat in my apartment about 5 years ago, and together we were crying over the death of her grandmother. She took a deep breath, in and out, and said "Everything is as it should be." I have never forgotten that. It seems to be a concept that eludes so many of us, the illusion that we have some sort of control in what happens to everyone everywhere, when- in reality- we can really only control our own actions and reactions to what happens, what is meant to happen.

This is a quote filled entry, but I'm going to leave you with just one more, for the time being.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~Joseph Campbell

Thursday, July 16, 2009

2 Corinthians 5:13

"If we are out of our minds, it is for God..."

This is the quote that I have on my whiteboard right now, and I do intend to keep it up there until I can find another one that both inspires and humbles me.

When I was at PLU, this quote kept me grounded. It reminded me that every time I was called away from my sanity to help other people, that I was doing it because God has given me gifts to help other people. That last year before I got so sick I learned to put myself first. I had the help of a few dear friends (ex-friends) and they helped keep me grounded in Faith and in Life. They helped me realize that it was okay to put myself first and still honor God.

As those two ex-friends hurt me more and more, I stopped going to church because all it did was remind me of 1)the friends God had given me 2)how their free-will choices hurt me which led to 3)all of the emotional coping tools became moot points.

Since then I've tried to go back to church, but it just doesn't fit. Catholic, Lutheran, Non-Denominational... nothing feels right. Could it be that I'm not feeling comfortable in my Faith because I was betrayed by people I loved in that Faith? Could it be that I feel betrayed by what my Faith had given me for so many years, by that comfort that is so elusive now? I know that part of it is because every time I open up my heart I feel so vulnerable to love and hurt that I cry at the thought of it. All of the above, it's a little bit- or a lot- of everything!

I still pray all the time. I still feel the Holy Spirit guiding me day in and day out. But I still feel like something is missing.

Now that things are falling back into place, now that I can no longer ignore this burning for Faith, I am going to keep finding churches to go to, because I know that somewhere there's some Faith Community that is just waiting for me with open arms. I know that there has to be a church where I belong, it's just a matter of finding it... and the search is going to be an adventure, a Faith Adventure. I'm really, quite looking forward to it, actually!!!

Stay tuned- I'll let you know what Sunday brings.

Thursday, July 2, 2009


I just had my palm read at Kent Station by a random older gentleman. He got almost everything right, down to what type of allergies I have, the 2 times I'd fallen in deep love and had my heart broken, and pretty much my whole life... except numbers. He said I was really good with numbers. He also wrote poetry- on the spot poetry. Asked me for a word, I said "idunno" and shrugged... he proceded to make up a poem on the spot! It started "I asked her to dance, she said 'idunno'. I walked away and asked her again, she said yes..." and it went on about how she cautiously opened up, finally let him in to her life, her heart... if that doesn't hit home, "idunno" what does!

The funny thing is, I thought he was an obnoxious old man. When I walked into the little shop he was leaving and said "Be good to yourselves, ladies, just not in public," and chuckled.

Just goes to show that just when I think I can read people, they surprise me!

As I got home, pulled into the parking lot, two gals were playing near my car. One of them is hearing impared, and she usually sits in the window and sort of yells a distorted "HI!!!" to everyone. Her little sister came right up and asked if I could take them swimming at KM. I tried to explain that their parents might not want them to go somewhere with strangers. Unfortunately the little sis translated "strangers" to "bad people" so then I had to try to finger spell my way out of that one!!! :-P KT's going to help me learn some basic conversational ASL, and I'm going to make flashcards. I'll probably ask the gal at work to help me out too.

This is a big week! I'm one step closer to getting my Italian-dual citizenship, I was selected to go to the SSA bilingual conference in Seattle for two days in August, I'm taking claims at work, one of my claimants died before I could tell her she was approved, I had my palm read for the first time ever, and am planning to learn another language!

I feel like my heart is going to explode, in a good way- so filled with blessings and agape love, that's the best way I have to explain it. Maybe I'm more aware of it because of the claims I'm taking, maybe I'm more aware of it because I've started dabbling on the piano again, maybe it's just time for God to start stirring in my soul... I think this time I'm ready for it.