Psalm 34:18

As the holidays are drawing near, I am even more painfully aware that I am single and working on the "getting out there" part of post-break up-life. 

It's hard.  It sucks.  I have gone back to church a few times, my old church, the mass where I felt my faith-community was, but it's not the same.... I feel like I've got a scarlet letter on my chest, like I've grown horns at my temples, and from some people, I most definitely feel the proverbial cold shoulder. 

Don't get me wrong, others have welcomed me back with incredibly open arms and hearts that needed healing, both theirs and mine, and it was absolutely wonderful... but I still feel like I no longer belong. 

Today's verse of the day is Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." 

I don't necessarily feel entirely broken hearted, but there are pieces and parts of my heart that are certainly and indefinitely broken.  I don't feel like my soul is decemated, but there are corners that still need to be held, comforted, and nurtured back to its fullest state of being.  Not only regarding people from church, but other people in my circle of friends.  And I know, I know in my heart of hearts, that they're hurt by some of the happenings over the last 12 months, and it is a time for all of us to learn together, how to comfort one another, heal and move forward.   Knowing God is holding me close, even the tiny broken bits of heart & soul that I hide from everyone but myself, helps me to take that next step...

On Hallowed Ground

Sometimes I need to unplug, back out of the busy-ness around me, and just be in silence.  That's not easy to do in today's world, let me tell ya!!!

The other day I thought I'd managed to escape the insanity as I sat at the little pho restaurant by my office, but nope... in walked some pretty loud customers and out walked my peace of mind.  I tried losing myself in my book again (on my kindle -shhh! don't tell!) but it was a futile effort.

Wednesday was another one of those days where I just needed to be.  Silent.  No chance of being bothered by anyone.  I was feeling the Spirit call to me, and I just needed to listen.  I needed more than just the silence of my car in the parking lot.  I needed to just find Peace.  Quiet.  God. 

I found myself at the local cemetary.  It was a beautiful, warm Fall day, the sun was out, the wind was tickling the branches of the trees that stood watch over the 100 year old head stones, and it was perfect.  Absolutely perfect.  Stepping foot on hallowed ground, I swear I could feel the Spirit fill me from my feet up to the top of my head.  I righted some of the flags and flower pots that had been toppled over by wind, and brushed off piles of leaves from the headstones, saying a little prayer for each person as I walked by. 

God didn't tell me any deep secrets or bless me with any profound epiphanies.  He didn't solve world hunger or give me the healing touch to cure all cancer.  He was just present.  With me.  In peaceful silence.  It was so humbling, so fulfilling, so.... *sigh* perfect. 

I promise you, cemetaries are not always creepy.  I encourage you to spend some time in one.  (I know that sounds creepy, but I promise, it's not)

"For God alone, oh my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him." ~Proverbs 62:5

Flabby Faith & Spiritual Love Handles

I recently joined the worship team at church, and realized that I do not know many of the contemporary Christian songs... DOH!  While I enjoy the challenge of sight reading every Sunday, it's better to actually know some of the music, especially when you're on a mic in front of the congregation...  So I've been listening to the local Christian Rock station, Spirit 105.3.  While I tend to get incredibly sapped-out by some of the "feel good" stories and DJ's, and while the "family friendly sound" of the child laughing makes me think more Children of the Corn instead of Children of God, I really enjoy the music. 

Today they were talking about giving thanks, and what were callers thankful for.  And I'm not quite sure how this story ended up there, but the morning DJ was talking about someone who had been in a 2nd or 3rd world country, spreading the word of God, and when he left the people hosting him said, "We're praying for you."  He turned to them and asked, "What are you praying for?"  And they were silent... eventually, they answered him that they were praying for persecution, so he could become stronger in his faith. 

That almost seems like a completely horrible thing to do, pray for hard times so someone can become stronger!  But then the DJ said something along the lines of how, in America especially, our Faith was flabby.  Indignantly I said to myself, "Ha, my faith isn't flabby, look at the personal struggles I've survived over the last 15 years!"  But really?  I think all of us have our little flabby-faith "love handles". 

Just like any other workout, start simple- a little prayer here & there.  Start with a new routine- give thanks as you brush your teeth every morning, say a prayer for a safe commute as you buckle your seat belt.  Eventually you'll find that you don't have to remind yourself to do these things, you'll just do them.  Then step up to the next, Spiritual-Cardio.  Be there for someone else while they're having hard times... ask if you can pray with them, pray for them, and commit to doing it every single day.  Even take it a step further, see if there are any peer-support programs in your area!  By helping others to carry the load they bear, you're helping to strengthen your faith and love for God, and God's children! 

Be that spotter than helps someone lift their new max-weight on bench press - quite literally help to lighten the load on their heart!!!