Here's the Thing - Nobody Wins.

Right now, I should be in Texas, helping. Right now, I'm not. Right now, the governor of Texas is fighting with the federal government about who has the right to do what; about who has jurisdicition to say what should and shouldn't be done with 17,000 minor children who came to this country seeking saftey, seeking refuge. Right now, it's back to business as usual here for me, with my appointments and my phone calls, singing for weddings, singing at church, and walking my miles every day. Right now, I struggle with the fact that I'm back in my "first world" status, my white privilaged routine, where I can't deny the fact that I have luxuries afforded to me that are above and beyond what are necessary for every day existence. Right now, all I can do is pray. Pray that someone, somewhere recognizes what is *right* and what needs to happen for those SEVENTEEN THOUSAND children who are still in custody, without families, without support, without homes. Pray that somehow I find peace of mind, heart, and soul with the fact that I was just days away from being able to help and it remains just out of my grasp, beyond my control. Pray that the Holy Spirit is with every single one of those souls involved, children and workers alike, helping them to cope and find their way out of the darkness that they fight every single day that they remain in their situation. Until there are NO MORE children in custody, until this is no longer a political game, nobody wins.

It's a Holding Pattern....

Sometimes, with God's timing, there is no rhyme or reason as to the when or why of things. Right now, everything is on hold until AT LEAST June 7th. The situation is fluid. Over 100 children were placed into either extended family care or approved foster care in record amount of time, which is fantastic! It means that the efforts at the border are proving to be successful in getting these poor, traumatized children out of government custody and into family homes closer and closer to the mandated 72 hour timeframe! It also means the dire need for the all-call of Federal employees is not as dire as it was at the beginning of the month... I am still packed and ready to go. At this time, nobody is being deployed until at least June 7th. We shall see what things look like after that. Prayers and positive energy are always appreciated!

Hurry Up and Wait...

 Ugh.... Right now, I'm waiting on my final travel date. I've received and activated my travel card, but I can't purchase my one way ticket to Texas for deployment and debriefing until I have my official go-ahead approval. It's all happening so fast, but at the same time, it feels like slow-motion sometimes. I've been packed and ready to go for about 10 days, so now I'm at the point that I'm needing to either buy things that I've had packed or open up the suitcase and get things out! 

*sigh* 

I am still 100% sure this is the next step for me, where I'm being called to be. It's just a waiting game... 

What am I Doing? ... Be Not Afraid...

 Last weekend, Father was there when I noticed the Christ-light candle was burning low, and I commented that we would be needing a new one soon, likely before the masses for the day were done. He looked at me and grinned and told me to have faith, that the candle could last through mass, "you never know..."

How ironic. Here I was getting ready to take a huge leap of faith for me, leave everything that I knew to be safe and secure, and go help in a situation where these children had been more brave than I ever thought I could be. They had taken a bigger risk than many people will ever need to take, leaving their homes, their families, and traveling hundreds or even thousands of miles by any means possible to go to a country where they may or may not speak the language, all in the hope that they may find a better life... but I couldn't have faith that a flame would last a few more hours? 

And so I let it burn....

Leslie and I prepared for mass, I picked Be Not Afraid as a prelude since it's a favorite that everyone knows and loves, and we didn't have anything else prepared... sometimes it's nice to take the easy road at 7:30am! 

7:55 rolls around, she starts to play, and I begin to read the words.... 

"You shall cross the barren desert, but you shall not die of thirst.

You shall wander far in safety, though you do not know the way.

You shall speak your words in foreign lands and all will understand.

You shall see the face of God and live.

Be not afraid, I go before you always.

Come, follow me, and I will give you rest...."

I lost it. I absolutely lost it. I tried to pull it together for the second verse, but every single word seemed more and more applicable to the situation I was preparing to face at the border. By the time I got to the refrain after the second verse, I was sobbing. I looked at Leslie from my covid-mandated 15 feet away and said "I just can't..." and I sat back in my little alcove, sobbing, trying to pull myself together before mass started. She graciously continued to play a beautiful piano arrangement of the tune, and by 8am, people were none-the-wiser. 

I sang with my rosary around my neck the rest of that Sunday. 

The prayer candle needed to be replaced between masses. 

Faith and logic split the difference that day. 

Let the Dominos Begin to Fall...

 As the song says, "Signs, signs, every where are signs..." and believe me, the more I prayed about this detail for the next four months, the more signs keep popping up! 

Our home priest is retiring and 'lightening the canoe' as he says. The piece I was most called to bring home was a framed print that was very obviously from Latin/South America, and it showed the People's Jesus, crucified in the center of town, watching over everyone and everything. 

The artist ended up being Guatemalan. Father received it as a gift when he was visiting Columbia. The imagery is so powerful, how Jesus is one of the people, by the people, for the people... How could I not have given it a new home? 

The vacancy at work was suppose to close at the end of April, but when I looked, it had been extended to the end of May. We were only, originally, approved to have one person from our region selected, and they made an exception to have my application submitted as well. Within 6 days, I went from just realizing this was available to realizing that I needed to start packing!  It was amazing how things fell into place, so perfectly. 

My brain even started thinking in Spanish more and more, without me realizing I was going it. EVERYTHING seemed to be pointing to this being right. Scary, nerve-wracking, unknown, but *right*. 

The last time I felt a calling this strong was when I was looking for colleges and walked onto the PLU campus; I just knew... and now, I just know... this is where I need to be, what I need to be doing... 

This is My Why... Taking a Leap of Faith

 Six days ago, I posted a series of photos on Instagram and Facebook, and quoted Psalm 46:5 "God is within her, she will not fail." I said "Warriors of Prayer, a lot is happening. I'm holding many things close to my heart right now, but these images mean a lot to me, and are very much a part of my "WHY". Any bits of light you can send my way would be greatly appreciated.".... and so it began... 

I know that God always hears what's in our hearts, especially when our emotions are sooo big that we can't even begin to form words to express what's going on. The opportunity has been presented to Federal agencies to help with the situation at the Southern border of the United States, where thousands of unaccompanied minors are pouring in seeking shelter and safety. 

Six days ago, I needed prayers for discernment, guidance to see if this was what I really wanted to do -I mean, I knew it's what I wanted to do, it's where my passion has always been, but to up and move for anywhere from 30-120 days... taking that first step, I knew, would be hard. 

As I prayed, I really thought about all that those children have gone through to get here, and how much they needed me. One person, me. Why would they need me? What can one person do? One person's voice, one person's attention, one person's passion? Then I remembered a piece I read that was published when the masses were first coming to the border during the previous administration, and how the children and parents were being separated.... I remembered how I wept at the thought of the absolute faith and courage it took these families to find any way possible to travel hundreds and sometimes thousands of miles to come for the thought of what might be a better life, only to have the very objects of their faith ripped away.   

Rosaries and Bibles, copies of the New Testament confiscated as dangerous paraphernalia being smuggled into the US by "illegal immigrants" as they were separated from their families, children in one line, men and women in separate lines. 

 It was then that I knew - I KNEW - that I could not say no. I contacted management, and the dominos began falling into place... 

When in doubt, pray. Take that leap of faith. Faith. Yes, there's fear involved, but having fear makes Faith all the more rewarding.