This last weekend I did a vocal workshop that was absolutely amazing. It was called Come Sing With Us, held at Kent Nazarene Church, and I'll tell you what.... LOVED IT. For many reasons. First, because I got to see a good buddy from high school & his wife. He'd been asking me to come to their church for a while, especially when they have their music-related events, and it had never worked out before, but this time I made sure it did. Yay! Second, I LOVE GOSPEL MUSIC. Love it! Worshiping God, lifting your voice in song, and adding that wonderful element that IS gospel music.... *happy sigh*
While learning one of the songs, I think I witnessed what I can only describe as someone else's Soul Cry (link to a post that somewhat-explains these).... The person leading the workshop was talking about how he envisioned choirs of angels in awe as we were singing, and the look on his face.... I knew that look.... He was seeing the Kingdom of Heaven, and described it for us. Then he started talking about how we need to remember that - through the hard times, the pain & suffering, this earth is not our home, that Home is in the Kingdom, with God.... Part of me wanted to approach him afterwards, to talk to him, see if he really does experience the Gifts of the Spirit like I do, because it's so intense, and so rare, and I would love to have someone to share this with! Part of me wanted to run-n-hide, incase it was "contageous", because I've been dealing a lot with my own health issues & didn't, and don't have the emotional/spiritual/physical strength to allow a Holy Spirit-take over.
So what did I do? I got up & left the sanctuary, and cried. It was a selfish cry, a self-pity cry, but I needed to do it. I was bummed that I didn't get to hear the rest of the testimony, but I'm hoping that a conversation in the future might happen. His words got me thinking about Carly's suicide and what her pastor said at her funeral; it got me thinking about my current heart condition and the struggles it's posing as a potentially chronic, potentially incurable condition; it was just too much....
We don't have to be strong, but we need to find strength. It's okay to not be able to hold it all together, but know that God will help keep us going. Seeing someone else's faith - Faith - manifested in a vision of Heaven helped me to feel like God's with me, that I'm not alone... seeing a Soul Cry from the outside definitely gave me a new perspective.