I have so much to say, but don't know how to let it out, where to start.
First off... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Going through a bunch of old stuff, I found my old artwork and writing... I didn't realize how much I missed those creative outlets until I was there, looking at what I used to do. I need to get back to writing, back to drawing... painting... playing piano... and now the guitar as well.
This is a very challenging path for me to walk right now, because so much of my joy and my pain that I feel in my soul is expressed through these talents God's given. Since I made the choice to not major in music, I have felt a little twinge of guilt about denying others- and myself- the full extent of the talents I have. I thought that with a minor in Studio Arts, I'd be able to continue sharing, but as more people broke my heart, they stole a piece of my heart, a piece of my soul, a piece of my joy that inspired me- to the point where I haven't been able to allow myself to access any of those creative outlets- if and when I do, I end up crying, sobbing, feeling all of that pain that caused me to seal myself off all over again.
I am choosing to change this! I can't keep living in fear of my own feelings, my own emotions, my own healing process. There have been particular people who have really helped to inspire and encourage me in beginning this journey, and I pray for you all, thanking God for bringing you into my life. (and like I said after that first night, my mom thanks you too! :-) She's so excited that I'm playing piano again!)
There are 24 songs I'm going to learn on keyboard and/or guitar. I dug out my sketch books and will be picking those up from my parents' house this week. Swing dancing, singing jazz songs, photography, and drawing little cards have been only the very tippy top of what lies deep down inside... I'm sorry that I've been cheating all of you!
Hold me to this!!! Don't allow me to not be inspired!!!
I believe that the above will help me with my Soul Cries. I know that the conversations I've had with some of my friends recently has helped me to gain new perspective, and it really does help to know that I'm not alone. For so long, that has been my biggest fear and hardest hurdle- being alone, feeling like I'm alone, not having anyone who really and truely understands what I mean when I say "I know how it feels..."
Again, I thank God for bringing our paths together, you are such a blessing in my life.
There have been a lot of people who have helped me to get to this place, and you are the ones who are inspiring me.