Thursday, November 5, 2009


In reference to the feeling I had and blogged about in 2008, I find myself repeating the chorus to the hymn Be Not Afraid.

Be not afraid, I go before you always. Come, follow me, and I will give you rest.

As I was driving to my parents' house last night, I was hit with the sudden urge to pray for the same family friend. I don't know why, I've been too afraid to call and see how things are- I've just been praying like mad. Why am I afraid? Because these feelings come to me when people are either in or coming close to one of the darkest moments in their life, illness, death, tragedy... and I feel their pain like it's my own, and it's hard. I'm afraid to find out what pain is coming, what pain is here. I guess it's sort of a passive-aggressive way to help God with this prayer request, but I still don't know that I'm strong enough to channel this again. Especially for this family. I mean, my connection with them is what started this all, back in Paris, 1998, when Brandon died... and then when their family wasn't coping and I had the visions and dreams, messages for them... and then when Norm died...

Sometimes I want to throw a tantrum like a 2 year old, stomp my feet, ball up my fists, and shake my head while yelling "No! No! No!"... why can't I know when people are in situations in their life of extreme joy?! (and I already know the answer, so shush- it's a rhetorical question) *sniffle*grin*

Okay, prayer time. I need to get back into my meditations, find my center, my peace. It's the only thing that helps with how intense these "Soul Cries" are. And I think I'm going to close my eyes and imagine my favorite and most comforting mental image, in the arms of the angel... as cheesy as it may seem, when I envision an angel holding me as my soul seeks comfort and my heart prays for those in need, I find my peace.

No "out-loud" prayers tonight, my heart knows what needs to be said.
Amen, and blessed be. <><

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