Just a Moment

At church this last weekend, there was a moment where the priest mentioned about how we can experience the Spirit through sharing our gifts with others - and I had an "AH-HA!" moment - that's EXACTLY what I've been doing! 

It's a very foreign experience for me, and I'm looking forward to honing in on it a little - or a lot - more, experiencing the Holy Spirit as a third party. 

I pose the question, to many of you who may or may not respond, have you ever had that happen?  I would like to open a conversation about it, but I'm not even sure where to begin!  Perhaps it's time to re-contact my spiritual director with the archdiocese...

Held

This is the most amazing song.  It really speaks a lot to what I've been feeling, especially after losing my beloved pet so suddenly, so tragically.  I know one could say that Stanley was 'just a dog', but he was anything BUT just a dog to me.  He was my calm.  There's a magnate I have at my desk at work, it says:

Peace.  It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

Stanley was that for me.  He brought me peace.  I know that Brynleigh, my new pup, will get there eventually, but I'm still angry at how Stanley was taken from me.  There was no peacefully falling asleep in my arms, he screamed and cried "mama!" before collapsing.... And I really just can't find peace after that.... And I think that's why I've had such an incredible disconnect from feeling God's presence.  I've allowed the anger to close things off.  And that's grief.  That's mourning.  I know that I will eventually get over it. 

Last night on my way home from work I heard the song "Held" by Natalie Grant... It is an absolutely beautiful song, and the chorus just made me weep. 

Enjoy. Keep tissues handy. (please let me know if the link doesn't work)

I miss Stanley every single moment of every single day, with every cell of my being.  Sometimes I hug my little Brynleigh as she snuggles up on my chest and it just makes me cry because she's not him.  And I know she's not, I didn't get another dog to be Stanley, or replace Stanley, it's just that I think my heart will always ache for Stanley.  I ask St. Francis to pray for me, for healing, every night.... and on most days I make it through crying less than the day before, silent tears, in private (mostly)....

This is how it feels to be held when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive....

Sometimes Life Hurts

I'm sorry I've been so absent.  Stanley's death really hit me hard, and even though I have been blessed with the most adorable puppy ever, Brynleigh just isn't Stanley.  She's not supposed to be, and my head knows that, but my heart still longs for the peace that my Stanner-Manners brought to my life. 

I'll get there again, I know I will.  I'm in the process of putting a blog together, not just another apology for not writing as regularly as I used to. 

Until then, pray for one another, love much, laugh often, and give thanks every day.

A Persion Prayer

All that we ough to have thought, and have not thought,
All that we ought to have said, and have not said,
All that we ought to have done, and have not done;

All that we ought not to have thought, and yet have though,
All that we ought not to have spoken, and yet have spoken,
All that we ought not to have done, and yet have done;

For thoughts, words, and works, pray we, O God, for forgiveness.

~A Persian Prayer
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Indeed, this very much applies to my day today.  While I've been biting my tongue, my thoughts have not been kind, and God knows my intentions even though I don't say them out loud. 

Words from Mother Teresa

Make us worthy, Lord, to serve our fellow men throughout the world who live and die in poverty and hunger.  Give them through our hands this day their daily bread, and by our understanding love, give peace and joy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------More wise words from that Little Book of Prayers.  Of course, you really cannot go wrong with Mother Teresa either.  If ever there was someone who's presense I long to be in, it would be her.  And Ella Fitzgerald.  But Mother Teresa first. 

Lead Me

Preciouis Lord, take my hand.
Lead me on. Let me stand.
I am tired. I am weak. I am worn.
Through the storm,
Through the night,
Lead me on to the light.
Take my hand, precious Lord,
And lead me home.

~African-American Spiritual
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Lord only knows how I need to be led sometimes.... this is a prayer from my little book, and I love it - I have it flagged - it makes me want to sing, to arrange it, write the parts, and have the choir singing it at church on Sundays!  I know it says it's a spiritual, it might already have the parts all figured out... I just let it be my heart song, right now, because the melody I want to use is just barely out of reach- I can almost hear it, but not quite....

Does that make any sense?  Sometimes God doesn't have to make sense.  He knows my intentions, knows the joy and jubilation this little prayer brings me, and He delights in it.  And making Him happy makes me happy. 

I Have a Little Book....

... a Little Book of Prayers, edited by David Schiller.  While I am in a void, a place of spiritual silence, I am going to try to post a few times a week, maybe more, from this book.

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O God, O Lord of the mountains and valleys, I have offered you a bit of your food, your drink. And now I continue on, beneath your feet and your hands, I, a traveler.

Now I will selep beneath your feet, beneath your hands, O Lord of the mountains and valleys, O Lord of the trees, O Lord of the creeping vines.  Again tomorrow there will be day, again tomorrow there will be light.  I know not where I will be.

Who is my mother?  Who is my father?  Only you, O God.  You watch me, guard me, on every path, through every darkness, and before each obstacle that you might hide or take away, O God, my Lord.  O Lord of the mountains and valleys.

~Kekchi Maya